In a Perfect World
by Mrs.HaydenChristensen3
Summary: Liberty struggles with JT’s relationship with Mia and later finds herself struggling with something even greater, the grief and pain that follows the loss of her first love…J.T.
1. Chapter 1: I Don't Love You

In a Perfect World

Pre and post "Rock This Town"

Liberty struggles with JT's relationship with Mia and later finds herself struggling with something even greater, the grief and pain that follows the loss of her first love…J.T.

Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Degrassi or any of it's characters. If I did, I'd be one very rich and happy girly. And I do not own any of the songs that I shall be using as chapter titles due to my unoriginality.

Chapter One

"I Don't Love You"

_Well, when you go  
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay  
And maybe when you get back  
I'll be off to find another way_

And after all this time that you still owe  
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know  
So take your gloves and get out  
Better get out  
While you can

When you go  
Would you even turn to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I did  
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading  
So sick and tired of all the needless beating  
But baby when they knock you  
Down and out  
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe  
Another dollar's just another blow  
So fix your eyes and get up  
Better get up  
While you can  
Whoa, whooa

When you go  
Would you even turn to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I did  
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go  
Would you have the guts to say  
"I don't love you  
Like I loved you  
Yesterday"

I don't love you  
Like I loved you  
Yesterday

I don't love you  
Like I loved you   
Yesterday

More than anything else in the world, Liberty longed for her relationship with J.T. She longed for his comfort and well it kills her to admit it, his goofball sort of attitude. But even more than it killed her to admit that, it killed her to admit that she missed him. Or at least saying it, saying she missed him, she just couldn't do it. Of course everyone knew that she missed him but she had to keep up the appearance that she was strong. That nothing could keep her down. But for how long could she keep this up? In a way she felt it dehumanized her in the eyes of some, like J.T., the fact that she wasn't openly going on an emotional rollercoaster. He felt bad too though. After the baby, neither of them could cope very well. They both wanted to be with each other in this time of need, but at the same time they could barely be in the same room together.

As time passed they coped with pain and seemingly moved on. At least at this point they could be somewhat open with one another. Liberty liked to hope that this could one day lead to their eventual reunion. Delusions of grandeur she thought to herself. And here she was disguising her misery as J.T. went on with his life. Meaning he found a new girlfriend, Mia. He was moving on from Liberty. And it pained her. Good 'ol heartbreak.

As Liberty walked through the halls of Degrassi to get to English she passed oh but who else in a rather tight embrace?!

"J.T. wanna come with me and Bella to the park today? I wanna get a video of her playing." said Mia.

"I'd be happy to" J.T. replied.

And to Liberty's displeasure they kissed.

"_How could J.T. play daddy to Mia's child like that?! When he had his chance… No. That's not fair to him. We weren't ready for a child."_, Liberty thought to herself.

"Hey Libs! Liberty!", J.T. called from down the hall

She pulled herself from her thoughts and brought herself to reality.

"Oh… hello J.T."

"Umm… I was- well I was wondering if I could talk to you sometime today? Like at lunch? I think we need to." he said in an urgent tone.

"Well I guess J.T., I mean if that's okay with Mia. Won't she want to know why you're talking to me?" she asked with sarcasm.

"See this is why we need to talk. Because- never mind just meet me at my locker at lunch."

And he walked away from her and more than anything she wanted to call him back, tell him that she still loved him and she wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her also. But that wasn't going to happen. Not anytime soon at least.

J.T. walked away from her wanting to do nothing but make peace with her. So they could at least be friends with each other. _Or more._ No not more. _You know you love her still. Right?_

"I can't." he muttered thinking no one else could hear him.

"You can't what? Remember to do your homework? At least by now your teachers are used to it." Said Toby, laughing at his own joke.

"Haha. Funny Tobe's, very funny. No it's more pressing matters. And there's the bell… time to catch up on lost sleep.", said J.T.

"_I do love her, I do. But I'm supposed to love Mia! Just think to yourself 'I don't love you.' Make yourself believe you don't. You mean lie to yourself?"_, cried the voices inside his head.


	2. Chapter 2: Misery Loves Its Company

Chapter Two

Misery Loves Its Company

_Listen close as we wait for a sound to go_

_It's true, we are  
we are destined to fail  
It's true, we are  
we are destined to fail_

_There is a problem here with our society  
The absence of my tears is my sobriety  
I have a growing fear and you're not helping me  
Am I the only one who realizes it's true?_

_Beat but I'm not broken  
Guide me through with your hand  
Lead with your words spoken  
Show me how to listen_

_You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy  
I have a remedy for your insecurity  
It's all the same, sadly, nobody works for free  
Am I the only one who realizes it's true_

_Beat but I'm not broken  
Guide me through with your hand  
Lead with your words spoken_

_Show me how to listen_

_Let your light shine through me  
Take this hate I can't release  
Help me make the blind see  
Misery loves its company_

_When I dream, I see dawn turn into dusk, into dusk_

_Beat but I'm not broken  
Guide me through with your hand  
Lead with your words spoken  
Show me how to listen_

_Let your light shine through me  
_Take_ this hate I can't release  
Help me make the blind see  
Misery loves its company_

_It's true, we are  
we are destined to fail  
It's true, we are  
we are destined to fail_

_by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

She walked down the hall, through the crowds headed to lunch. Liberty however was headed towards the one she loved, the one she would always love. She noticed she had butterflies in her stomach. She never felt like this, why now? It's not the first time she's talked to him. She got to his locker, he was digging in there for something.

"Hi J.T., you wanted to talk?", she said trying to sound stronger than she felt.

"Oh hey Liberty. Umm…. yeah just one second.", he said distractedly and gave up his search. "Anyways, what's happened?"

"Excuse me? What do you mean?"

"Between us," he said, "what's happened between us. We used to be friends but all of a sudden we can barely talk right to each other. What's happened?"

"I don't know J.T.?"

"Ever since I proposed the idea for a daycare. It's like war between us."

"Well can't you understand how I felt about that?" said Liberty indignantly. "I mean it's all for Mia-"

"So this is all about Mia?"

"No J.T. that's not what I meant at all! It's just that it seems it's all for the benefit of one person. And well…", she began to break down.

"_No don't give in to those feelings. You're not weak, you're strong._", said the voice in her head, "_You're just jealous, tell him the truth. Show the weakness that's here in your heart._", said a smaller voice.

A single tear went down her face. This did not go unnoticed. And as soon as J.T. opened his mouth to speak she turned and walked to the door outside. He followed calling her name as they went down the hall. Finally outside he caught up with her.

"You know showing emotion doesn't make you weak. It's human to show them." J.T. said coaxingly.

"It's just that I… it's like I wanted all these things to go right but they didn't." she said trying to regain her composure. "It doesn't matter anymore though."

"What things Liberty? Are you talking about the baby?"

"Of course. I-I-I wanted our lives to work out so bad. Together. I wanted us to keep him. He was my baby! Our baby!"

"I know but we can't do anything about that now. We just have to get on with life. But what does it have to do with Mia?"

"You don't get it J.T.! You just don't get it!", and she walked off again bursting with fresh tears.

"Liberty, Liberty wait!" called J.T.

But this time he did not follow. He did not go after the girl he once loved, maybe even secretly still loved. J.T. let her walk away from him.

_"Turn around! Turn back to him! You need him and you know it. It's okay to show him. Get it out. Show him how hurt you are. Show him you care. Show him that you love him."_

"I won't and I don't. I don't."

_"Liar."_

"It's not a lie. I don't" Liberty whispered.

"You don't what?" piped Manny

"Oh uhh- uh- I don't remember what I was just about to do. Gosh I think I'm losing it, haha. What are you up to Manny?"

"Mhmm, well I was just about to go inside for class and- have you been crying Liberty?"

"No why? Are my eyes red or something?"

"Umm yeah, listen I couldn't help overhearing your conversation with J.T.. And well... he's not the only guy out there Liberty."

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you had become my therapist.", she said sarcastically.

"Listen I'm just trying to give you some honest advice. Because as your friend I think you deserve to be happy. So whenever you're ready to talk I'll be here. Okay?"

"Okay but I think I'll be just fine thank you Manny. Now good day."

And Liberty walked away before Manny could even answer. She felt horrible. She was in love with someone she couldn't have, she was mistreating her friends. She felt completely lost. She was so used to being the girl with all the answers, but she had no answer to heartbreak. She could think of no cure. She was miserable and hurt, but she wasn't going to let these feelings break her.


	3. authors note

Hey there

I would like to say thank you to those who have read my story, you support is very much appreciated

And I'd also like to apologize for the extreme delay in updates

Over the school year I had many difficulties and three AP classes

So my workload was heavy

And it will be just as bad this year if not worse

But I swear that from now on I will be updating more frequently.

I swear.

Once again sorry

But it's only going to get better

Thanks for reading

klowiee


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